A quick update!

Or, what I’ve been up to since May.

It’s been a rough few months, spent pondering what’s the point of writing here, or anywhere, really. Without a clear purpose, words won’t flow. Or, maybe, it’s the words that give me a purpose.

Either way, I thought taking the summer off would sort things out—and while it did, I wasn’t spared the nagging feeling that words would not return to me.

(Ever. Like, why would they?)

Seemingly, journalists aren’t spared writer’s block, even if our work doesn’t always rely on creativity to flourish.

It could also be a different malady that ails me. Say, impostor syndrome, perhaps?

My summer also included a brief trip to Mexico, whose extreme heat and overwhelming humidity failed to exorcise my demons. Photo: me.

You might be surprised to learn this, but I’m not a confident writer—or a confident anything, really—but I force myself to play the part. By “I”, I really mean the words compel me to. Let me explain:

At the onset of this mental state, back in May, my diagnosis what that I’m not adequately suited to do this job. I’m not an extrovert who can chat away with anyone; nor am I a quick thinker who swiftly whips up an argument for a story. As a matter of fact, it takes me a considerable amount of time and energy to produce even the most mediocre of my work.

Still, when the words come to me, I have no choice but to write them, as I’m doing right now. Even if I would prefer not to.

So I continue to push myself ever further, to let the words push me well beyond my comfort zone, which I should admit is miniscule.

Like a radio, my brain syncs to the broadcast produced by a stream of words and ideas demanding to be told. Fighting this current is worse than succumbing to it, but at the same time, the thought of this stream drying out is scary af. What else can I do if not write? How can I keep writing if I let myself burn out?

Thus, taking a break isn’t the restful, reinvigorating experience I yearn for, though it seems to work.

With my words back, sort of, I anticipate the completion of two pieces in the coming months. (I was going to say weeks, but I’d rather keep your expectations low, lol.)

One is about BMO Centre’s expansion—what’s a convention centre for, anyway?
The other is about the dwindling role of politics in public art, specifically murals.

So there you have it, that’s my summer. How was yours?

Ximena