What a year!
A look back into an eventful year.
Good riddance!
That’s all I can say as 2023 nears its long-awaited end.
Although this year showed me what I’m capable of, it also exposed my weaknesses, and gave me new wounds to lick.
I wrote more stories than I believed I could (admittedly, the bar is pretty low); one of my pieces won a national award; and after reluctantly starting this thing — folks have not only subscribed, but some have also given me money (thank you!).
I’m certainly grateful for all the good things 2023 brought, but I’ve also dwelled on the less-than-ideal decisions I made over the last decade, when I chose to stay in Canada.
You see, as a non-white, immigrant woman working in a field dominated by white men, and writing about topics where voices like mine are underrepresented, I’m usually held to different, more stringent standards — and it’s tiring.
When I try my best, I’m not excelling; I’m doing the bare minimum.
When I ask a question, I’m not curious; I’m engaging in bad faith.
When I stand up for myself, I’m not confident; I’m cocky.
Unsurprisingly, this kind of judgement extends to my work.
Because of my background in architecture, readers often demand I propose concrete solutions — I wonder how often the white men writing clueless op-eds are asked to do the same.
One of the reasons I retired from architecture in the first place is an awareness of my own limitations. I’ve always had a knack for identifying what needs to be improved, but I’ve rarely known how to actually do it. My pen (or keyboard) allows me to express the former, and hopefully influence those with the skills to do the latter.
When I’m asked to do both, I hear it as a suggestion to stop doing what I do best.
Perhaps that’s precisely the intent of some, to put me back in my place. There must be an entirely logical reason why people like me don’t do what I do.
But the cynic in me won’t let me stop — though I often wish it did.
According to Wikipedia, “one active aspect of cynicism involves the desire to expose hypocrisy and to point out gaps between ideals and practices.”
And that’s precisely what I intend to do.
In the coming year, I hope my work makes you consider our city’s issues in a new light.
We don’t have to agree.
I strongly believe that only by enduring the discomfort of disagreement we can envision a more equitable future. So, in 2024 I’ll continue to challenge the city-building ideas I find problematic, however reluctantly.
Happy holidays!
Ximena.
Stuff i wrote last month
Can plant-based diets enable a more ethical food system?
The Resolve
Calgary atomic ranch-style home impeccably restored to 1950′s vintage
The Globe and Mail